Singled out
by WeirdDoline
Summary: I wasn't yet seventeen when my relationship with my friend Sirius Black took quite an unexpected turn. The year was 1976. Maybe it had something to do with the liberated atmosphere of that time. Maybe it was the curiosity of adolescence. Maybe it was just meant to be. Most probably it was a mixture of all three.


_Author's note:_ Hey all! So this is a translation/redraft of a French fanfiction of mine. English is not my first language, so please do not hesitate to bring mistakes to my attention. I'm also taking any comment, advice, query or – fingers crossed – compliments you might have the kindness to send my way. Hope you like it. Cheers!

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_**Singled out**_

I wasn't yet seventeen when my relationship with my friend Sirius Black took quite an unexpected turn. The year was 1976. Maybe it had something to do with the liberated atmosphere of that time. Maybe it was the curiosity of adolescence. Maybe it was just meant to be. Most probably it was a mixture of all three. Now, you have to understand that I never told anyone what I'm about to tell you. It's always been some sort of an unspoken agreement, Sirius and I. We never discussed it. Not that we were ashamed. If anything, I'd say we were rather proud of it. There just was something quite exciting about it being a secret.

But now for the facts, if I may bore you just a little longer. For some time I had noticed that Sirius was slightly distancing himself from James and getting closer to me. Peter, who absolutely admired James, had immediately leapt into the emptied position. As for me, although I wasn't really over-thinking it, I must say I was enjoying spending more time with Sirius.

The events I would like to share with you occurred on October 31st of that year. Peter and James were already downstairs enjoying the traditional Halloween feast while I had remained in the Common Room to finish a paper on Muggle Studies. Sirius had stayed behind with me to make sure I wasn't going to "die of over-studying", as he put it. Every time I call upon my memory of that night, I marvel at the amount of detail I am able to bring back. The roar of the rain outside, the warmth coming from the fireplace, even the dusty smell of the Common Room is still deeply imprinted on my mind.

I was sitting in the corner of the sofa, concentrated on a particularly boring and poorly written book, when a sudden weight on my legs had distracted me. I glanced over the book to find Sirius's grey eyes looking up at me. He was now lying on the sofa with his legs over the arm and his head resting on my lap. I blushed. I hardly need to tell you that nothing even remotely akin to this had ever happened to me before. I had no idea what sort of reaction was appropriate in this situation. Sirius was calmly staring me in the face with this lazy smile of his and an annoying expression of "I don't see what the problem is, this is perfectly normal". I smiled back shyly and retreated into my book.

"_A wizard may not use magic in front of a muggle unless the life of either of them is in immediate danger."_

I read this sentence about a dozen times without understanding a word of it.

"_A wizard may not use magic in front of a muggle unless the life of either of them is in immediate danger."_

Several minutes passed.

"_A wizard may not use magic in front of a muggle unless the life of either of them is in immediate danger."_

I was getting used to the situation. Every time I risked a quick glance over the book, it was to find Sirius still looking at me.

"_A wizard may not use magic in front of a muggle unless the life of either of them is in immediate danger."_

Finally the need to get to the bottom of this overcame my timidity. I tossed the book aside, caught Sirius's eyes and stared back. I would have said something but the staring was already requiring all my nerve. There was a fleck of blue in Sirius's left eye that I hadn't noticed before. He blinked, yawned and got up. I thought that the moment had passed and everything was back to normal, and was surprised to find cold disappointment buried under the initial relief. This was weird and new, and confusing. I would have needed a whole month to process it, but Sirius didn't even give me ten seconds. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me slowly across the room and up the stairs to the dormitory. I remember the pressure of his hand. I remember his eyes fixed on mine all the way, as if he were trying to hypnotise me.

The door slammed shut behind us and, about a split second after that, Sirius's lips crashed so hard against mine that my head painfully hit the wooden frame behind me.

"Sorry" he said, taking half a step back.

The room was rather dark and I could barely make out his features. He may have been smiling. There was a choked laughter in his voice and a strange gleam in his eyes.

"What are you doing?" I said louder than I had intended as he leaned forward again.

"Trust me" was his answer.

It wasn't really a satisfying answer but he seemed so confident that I just gave in. He kissed me, and I mean a real, proper, I-will-never-leave-you kiss. My god, the taste of it. Something in my chest twisted. It was common knowledge at Hogwarts that Sirius was the handsome one. Just walking in a hallway he would manage to turn all the girls' heads and some of the boys' as well. What may not be obvious is that he never took advantage of his good-looks. Whenever a girl walked up to him all giggling and red in the face to ask him out, he would nicely but firmly turn her away. It felt like a huge honour to have been singled out by Sirius Black.

As I brought my hands up to his shoulders, I suddenly became aware of his. They had been wrapped around my waist and were now casually unbuttoning my trousers.

"Wait!" I gasped.

He let out a frustrated sigh.

"What?" he whimpered.

I stood there stammering for a while. I absolutely didn't want him to wait, but I had to say something and "sorry, I panicked, please proceed" seemed a bit stupid.

"What if the guys walked in?" was what I finally came up with.

"Then I guess we would have to stop. And start again later."

"_A wizard may not use magic in front of a muggle unless the life of either of them is in immediate danger."_

At that point I remember half-seriously wondering whether it was actually possible for a brain to melt. What happened next I'm not comfortable telling you. Let's just say the guys didn't walk in.

When we finally came down, everyone had almost finished eating. I felt like what we had done was written in bold letters all over our faces. We joined James and Peter at the Gryffindor table.

"Well, you took your time." Peter said.

"Yeah, it's my fault. I'm such a great entertainer." Sirius said – and although it was not all that suggestive, I choked on my pumpkin juice.

Sirius spent the whole evening shooting smiles and little looks at me. I was convinced that everybody could see it. I wanted him to stop without really wanting him to stop. I had never had that kind of complicity with anyone before, and it felt nice. At some point, he started sliding his foot up my leg and I jumped about three feet into the air, causing him to burst out laughing. Luckily, James had just told a bad joke and everyone assumed it was merely a manifestation of Sirius's questionable sense of humour.

I was of the shy and quiet type, so it took me some time to be as relaxed about it as Sirius was. About two weeks later, we were exchanging winks, discreetly holding hands in the park, and kissing in the hallways when no-one was around. The Marauder's Map proved very useful. We would get together when James and Peter were in detention. Never had I seen Sirius put so much effort into paying attention and behaving in class. Everything was simple between us. We were always glad to be around each other. Sirius would bare his teeth whenever someone else looked at me. I gave him a little slap at the back of the head and called him jealous. We laughed. I was sure we would spend our lives together. It seemed only natural.

But then came the tragedy. October 31st 1981, exactly five years after our first night. I'd rather not talk about that day or the twelve years that followed it. I didn't have the guts to just put an end to my misery, but I think I would have let myself starve if it hadn't been for Dumbledore. And then one day, in the Shrieking Shack, Sirius reappeared. I remember staring at him for some time before letting myself believe that he was really there. I remember wrapping my arms around him and holding him a bit longer than I should have in front of Harry, Ron and especially Hermione. His heart was racing, as was mine. I was breathing again.

Since that night and for two years, we have been seeing each other again at my place, and then at his, in Grimmauld Place. More than once we have found ourselves alone, and more than once I have thought that maybe something would happen. It never did. We still had the complicity of two people who know the best and worst of each other, but that was it. He was a changed man. Quite frustrated, I figured it was over and tried my best to put it behind me. And just when I thought that, against all odds, I had managed to pull myself together, something happened that made me crumble apart again. Last night, Sirius died.


End file.
